Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Some random pictures from my phone

Tracen's favourite thing to do is go on a 'date' to the store and see the fish.  It is the only way I can get him to sit in a cart while shopping. 

Playing cars with Grandma (Momma)

Jenelle (Koko) multitasking: holding Rai, playing with Tracen and colouring in his book.

Jamie and Rai getting in some snuggles.

Papa and Tracen watching a Youtube movie.

Tracen and Grammie playing at the park. 

Tracen and Papahashi playing with his new action figures.

Some early morning smiles from Rai

Tracen and Mommy selfies.

Tracen sharing with Rai.

Tracen and Luke after finding a Spiderman egg on Easter.

So these pictures are not in chronological order at all.  Life is busy and full.  Luke hasn't been feeling too great, and after some trips to the doctor, hospital and blood tests like crazy (no official diagnosis), he has decided to cut out sugar completely, eat a small amount of complex carbs and probiotics until things get better and slowly introduce things back in.  For anyone that knows Luke at all, this is a big deal.  However, I am off dairy and chocolate (due to breastfeeding) and it makes it a little easier for both of us because we both aren't eating things that are tempting to each other.  I am excited to eat healthier, but I need to start planning meals, and we could really use a health food store out in Vernal.  I tried to make him cookies last night (coconut ginger ones with coconut flour) and they were actually so gross, and we tossed them... it was kind of depressing.  It is exciting because Luke is already feeling a little bit better. Healthier eating is never a bad thing, and he has even eating spaghetti squash and steel cut oats and enjoyed the latter. 

Rai had his 2 week appointment last week (it was closer to 3 weeks) and he weighed 9 lbs and 5 oz (just 1 oz shy of gaining a pound) and actually measured to be 21 1/4 inches long.  He is still a pretty content and calm little guy and will have to learn quickly to be tough as Tracen roughs him up a bit.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Rai Joseph - What's in a name?

I finally got the whole labour and delivery story written down in my private journal blog and I am still debating whether or not to post it on here... Suddenly it feels so personal and fills me with all kinds of emotions as I re-read it.  I am passionate about doing things naturally, and although it wasn't easy, I am glad that I was able to once again deliver a baby naturally and without much intervention (my doctor did break my water).  I guess it is interesting that I am hesitant to share the whole experience because I feel very strongly about sharing about Rai's name, which is probably the most personal part of the whole story.

I decided that I would really like Rai to have a somewhat Japanese name, and so after some scouring of the internet, looking into family history and discussions with Luke, we decided on the name Rai (meaning thunder, lightning and truth).  It is pronounced RYE (like the bread or a nickname for Ryan, or think thai or kai) and will probably be asked how to pronounce it for the rest of his life.  We had another name picked out for his middle name, but that all changed after he was born.
As we were headed out of Vernal I told Luke I wanted a priesthood blessing, I insisted that it happen sooner rather than later and we pulled over to the side of the road where he gave me a blessing. I am not sure how anyone can make it through a pregnancy and delivery without prayers and blessings... I have never prayed so hard in my life or needed the comfort from a priesthood blessing more than during these past 10 months.  In a previous blessing Luke assured me that there was help that I couldn't see that would be there for me and help me to get through the things I felt like I couldn't, people that cared for me on this side and beyond the veil as well, angels surrounding me.   In this blessing, a reference to those beyond the veil was made again, and assurance that the baby and I  would be healthy and I would be able to do what I needed to, as well as the doctors. 

Well the rest of my labour includes a doctor telling me that we should have this baby by 5pm and not actually having a baby til 7:53pm and you can only imagine what that did to me mentally once 5pm hit.  I also hit 7 cm and "usually things go quickly" after that point, but not for me this time.    

I was trying to breathe through the contractions, getting Luke to try to put counterpressure on my back, then my hips and trying to find some sort of position that would help relieve the pain, but nothing was working.  Eventually all that felt good was just squeezing Luke's hand and pushing against the rods of the bed with my other hand during the contractions.

This is when I started to lose it.  I was constantly telling Luke between each contraction how I couldn't do it, I just couldn't, I was too tired, I was too hungry, there was no way, it was taking too long, I wasn't progressing fast enough and I just wanted to be done.  I kept telling him how I actually did want something for the pain. I was getting too hot in the room and starting to feel nauseous.  Time seemed to be against me, my body seemed to not be responding and I was so overwhelmed and done.  I asked Luke to say a prayer, I needed something, anything.  So as he held my hand he offered a prayer.  He asked that I would know I would be able to do this, that those angels on the other side would assist me and that baby and I would be healthy and strong.

It was after this prayer that as I had my eyes closed during each contraction (and most of the inbetween time) I had a thought about Grandpa Takahashi, how he spent hours training his mind and body before his heart surgery, and I tried to really keep in mind my end goal, and use the power of my mind to do help my body do exactly what it needed to do.  I was really trying to focus and really feeling uncomfortable and still kind of falling apart.  Then when i was closing my eyes I started to hear Grandpa Takahashi  saying "come see Grandpa" and I could see him playing with a little baby.   Growing up Grandpa always said this to us, we would go sit by him or on his lap and he would hold our hand.  I kept hearing his voice and seeing him playing with a baby and i just knew that he would give that baby to me, that it was my little boy and his spirit was with Grandpa getting ready to come to us.  To hear Grandpa again during this hard, hard, painful time was just what I needed, and I swear I could almost feel his rough calloused hand holding the hand that wasn't in Luke's.  Between one of the contractions I told luke what I kept seeing and hearing, and I was in tears, and I could see that Luke had tears in his eyes as well.
I took this picture from Angies Blog, it is Grandpa holding baby Meika's hand.

Well it was after all of this that things finally started to go quickly and Rai finally made it into my arms.  I confirmed with Luke that his name would be Rai, and then asked about the middle name we had discussed.  Luke's response was asking me what I thought of using Joseph (Grandpa's name) instead.  He thought it felt right, in light of everything that happened. I couldn't agree more. 

Grandpa at Luke and I's wedding Sept 2010

The whole experience just confirms to me that life isn't over after death and that those loved ones who have passed on are close by and always watching over us.  I believe that they are there helping us although we may not be able to see them, they are celebrating our successes with us and buoying us up, or holding our hands, during our trying times. 

Rai Joseph Allred

How lucky are we to have this wonderful baby in our lives, and I can only hope he grows up to be a fraction of the man that Grandpa was. 

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Grandma (or Momma as tracen says)

I know this post has way too many pictures, but i wanted them all in one place. My mom has been here since Rai was 2 days old (she will have been here for just over 2 weeks in the end) and it has been such a blessing and just so wonderful.  I am feeding Rai as I type this on my phone and I can hear tracen giggling and happily playing with her as she gives him a bath. It hasn't been unusual for me to nurse Rai to the happy sound of tracen playing with her. 

They've gone on walks, colored, played firetrucks, had piggy back rides, gone to the park, sang songs, watched videos, played Lego and built tall cities, trains, teddy bears, with his animals in the bath, bubbles in the sink and outside and so much more. 

I am so lucky to have such a fun mom that is willing to give up 2 weeks of her life, so that I can adjust in my changing life. I hope to one day be as awesome as her. 

Friday, April 11, 2014

How did I get so lucky??

These pictures make me smile (and cry too, but my hormones are all over the place).  I just feel like I won the lottery. 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Rai Joseph

One week ago today our family changed forever. Rai Joseph finally made his way to our arms and already I can't imagine life without him. 

Weighing in at 8 lbs 6 oz and 21 1/2 inches long, he is slightly bigger than tracen was, but equally as loved. 

He is such a calm baby, a great eater and hardly cries. Luke barely sees him awake during his time at home before and after work.  His big brother loves him more and more each day and wants to share and play with him. I am also doing pretty good, with the help of my mom (tracens entertainer), I feel like this recovery has gone better than my last. 

More pictures and stories to come... 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

I guess I knew those days were numbered

My last couple doctors appointments were exciting when my doctor kept telling me that he didn't think I would make it to my April 12th due date, and now I can fully appreciate the fact that he is right. However, leading up to that time I tried to soak up my first baby. 

Tracen seemed to be rather into cuddles the past few weeks and I didn't mind one bit!

These were taken with the flash on my phone on, he was laughing at how bright it was and wanted me to keep taking pictures. 

The poor little guy got sick this past week making for even more cuddles and even sharing his blanket. 

He has become quite the little helper and loves to get in on any action that involves a tool. 

There is so much I could write about him and the things he's been saying and doing lately, but he's constantly keeping us laughing and I think my favorite (besides being a little gatherer and garbage man if we see how 'fast' he is, it actually comes in very handy) is when he makes Luke give me hugs and kisses. 

Wednesday we went on a walk together and I was just so happy to be with my boy, exploring the world and talking with my best friend,Tracen. 

I took this picture thinking about how these days were numbered, my pregnancy would end and my alone time with my first baby would be altered. I just felt so excited and happy. And now that BBA#2 is here and I'm not wondering if I'm in labour or not anymore, I'm feeling even more of those happy feelings!