I finally got the whole labour and delivery story written down in my private journal blog and I am still debating whether or not to post it on here... Suddenly it feels so personal and fills me with all kinds of emotions as I re-read it. I am passionate about doing things naturally, and although it wasn't easy, I am glad that I was able to once again deliver a baby naturally and without much intervention (my doctor did break my water). I guess it is interesting that I am hesitant to share the whole experience because I feel very strongly about sharing about Rai's name, which is probably the most personal part of the whole story.
I decided that I would really like Rai to have a somewhat Japanese name, and so after some scouring of the internet, looking into family history and discussions with Luke, we decided on the name Rai (meaning thunder, lightning and truth). It is pronounced RYE (like the bread or a nickname for Ryan, or think thai or kai) and will probably be asked how to pronounce it for the rest of his life. We had another name picked out for his middle name, but that all changed after he was born.
As
we were headed out of Vernal I told Luke I wanted a priesthood blessing, I
insisted that it happen sooner rather than later and we pulled over to the side
of the road where he gave me a blessing. I am not sure how anyone can make it
through a pregnancy and delivery without prayers and blessings... I have never
prayed so hard in my life or needed the comfort from a priesthood blessing more
than during these past 10 months. In a previous blessing Luke assured me
that there was help that I couldn't see that would be there for me and help me
to get through the things I felt like I couldn't, people that cared for me on
this side and beyond the veil as well, angels surrounding me. In
this blessing, a reference to those beyond the veil was made again, and
assurance that the baby and I would be healthy and I would be able to do what I
needed to, as well as the doctors.
Well the rest of my labour includes a doctor telling me that we should have this baby by 5pm and not actually having a baby til 7:53pm and you can only imagine what that did to me mentally once 5pm hit. I also hit 7 cm and "usually things go quickly" after that point, but not for me this time.
I was
trying to breathe through the contractions, getting Luke to try to put
counterpressure on my back, then my hips and trying to find some sort of
position that would help relieve the pain, but nothing was working. Eventually all that felt good was just
squeezing Luke's hand and pushing against the rods of the bed with my
other hand during the contractions.
This is when I started to lose it. I was constantly telling Luke between each
contraction how I couldn't do it, I just couldn't, I was too tired, I
was too hungry, there was no way, it was taking too long, I wasn't
progressing fast enough and I just wanted to be done. I kept telling
him how I actually did want something for the pain. I was getting too hot in
the room and starting to feel nauseous. Time seemed to be against me,
my body seemed to not be responding and I was so overwhelmed and done. I asked Luke to say a prayer, I needed
something, anything. So as he held my hand he offered a prayer. He asked that I would know I would be able to do
this, that those angels on the other side would assist me and that baby
and I would be healthy and strong.
It was after this
prayer that as I had my eyes closed during each contraction (and most of
the inbetween time) I had a thought about Grandpa Takahashi, how he
spent hours training his mind and body before his heart surgery, and I
tried to really keep in mind my end goal, and use the power of my mind to do help my body do exactly what it needed to do. I was really trying to
focus and really feeling uncomfortable and still kind of falling
apart. Then when i was closing my eyes I started to hear Grandpa
Takahashi saying "come see Grandpa" and I could see him playing with a
little baby. Growing up Grandpa always said this to us, we would go sit by him or on his lap and he would hold our hand. I kept hearing his voice and seeing him playing with a baby and
i just knew that he would give that baby to me, that it was my little
boy and his spirit was with Grandpa getting ready to come to us. To hear Grandpa again during
this hard, hard, painful time was just what I needed, and I swear I could almost feel his rough calloused hand holding the hand that wasn't
in Luke's. Between one of the contractions I told luke what I kept
seeing and hearing, and I was in tears, and I could see that Luke had
tears in his eyes as well.
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I took this picture from Angies Blog, it is Grandpa holding baby Meika's hand. |
Well it was after all of this that things finally started to go quickly and Rai finally made it into my arms. I confirmed with Luke that his name would be Rai, and then asked about the middle name we had discussed. Luke's response was asking me what I thought of using Joseph (Grandpa's name) instead. He thought it felt right, in light of everything that happened. I couldn't agree more.
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Grandpa at Luke and I's wedding Sept 2010 |
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The whole experience just confirms to me that life isn't over after death and that those loved ones who have passed on are close by and always watching over us. I believe that they are there helping us although we may not be able to see them, they are celebrating our successes with us and buoying us up, or holding our hands, during our trying times.
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Rai Joseph Allred |
How lucky are we to have this wonderful baby in our lives, and I can only hope he grows up to be a fraction of the man that Grandpa was.