I finally got the whole labour and delivery story written down in my private journal blog and I am still debating whether or not to post it on here... Suddenly it feels so personal and fills me with all kinds of emotions as I re-read it. I am passionate about doing things naturally, and although it wasn't easy, I am glad that I was able to once again deliver a baby naturally and without much intervention (my doctor did break my water). I guess it is interesting that I am hesitant to share the whole experience because I feel very strongly about sharing about Rai's name, which is probably the most personal part of the whole story.
I decided that I would really like Rai to have a somewhat Japanese name, and so after some scouring of the internet, looking into family history and discussions with Luke, we decided on the name Rai (meaning thunder, lightning and truth). It is pronounced RYE (like the bread or a nickname for Ryan, or think thai or kai) and will probably be asked how to pronounce it for the rest of his life. We had another name picked out for his middle name, but that all changed after he was born.
As we were headed out of Vernal I told Luke I wanted a priesthood blessing, I insisted that it happen sooner rather than later and we pulled over to the side of the road where he gave me a blessing. I am not sure how anyone can make it through a pregnancy and delivery without prayers and blessings... I have never prayed so hard in my life or needed the comfort from a priesthood blessing more than during these past 10 months. In a previous blessing Luke assured me that there was help that I couldn't see that would be there for me and help me to get through the things I felt like I couldn't, people that cared for me on this side and beyond the veil as well, angels surrounding me. In this blessing, a reference to those beyond the veil was made again, and assurance that the baby and I would be healthy and I would be able to do what I needed to, as well as the doctors.
Well the rest of my labour includes a doctor telling me that we should have this baby by 5pm and not actually having a baby til 7:53pm and you can only imagine what that did to me mentally once 5pm hit. I also hit 7 cm and "usually things go quickly" after that point, but not for me this time.
I was trying to breathe through the contractions, getting Luke to try to put counterpressure on my back, then my hips and trying to find some sort of position that would help relieve the pain, but nothing was working. Eventually all that felt good was just squeezing Luke's hand and pushing against the rods of the bed with my other hand during the contractions.
This is when I started to lose it. I was constantly telling Luke between each contraction how I couldn't do it, I just couldn't, I was too tired, I was too hungry, there was no way, it was taking too long, I wasn't progressing fast enough and I just wanted to be done. I kept telling him how I actually did want something for the pain. I was getting too hot in the room and starting to feel nauseous. Time seemed to be against me, my body seemed to not be responding and I was so overwhelmed and done. I asked Luke to say a prayer, I needed something, anything. So as he held my hand he offered a prayer. He asked that I would know I would be able to do this, that those angels on the other side would assist me and that baby and I would be healthy and strong.
It was after this prayer that as I had my eyes closed during each contraction (and most of the inbetween time) I had a thought about Grandpa Takahashi, how he spent hours training his mind and body before his heart surgery, and I tried to really keep in mind my end goal, and use the power of my mind to do help my body do exactly what it needed to do. I was really trying to focus and really feeling uncomfortable and still kind of falling apart. Then when i was closing my eyes I started to hear Grandpa Takahashi saying "come see Grandpa" and I could see him playing with a little baby. Growing up Grandpa always said this to us, we would go sit by him or on his lap and he would hold our hand. I kept hearing his voice and seeing him playing with a baby and i just knew that he would give that baby to me, that it was my little boy and his spirit was with Grandpa getting ready to come to us. To hear Grandpa again during this hard, hard, painful time was just what I needed, and I swear I could almost feel his rough calloused hand holding the hand that wasn't in Luke's. Between one of the contractions I told luke what I kept seeing and hearing, and I was in tears, and I could see that Luke had tears in his eyes as well.
Well it was after all of this that things finally started to go quickly and Rai finally made it into my arms. I confirmed with Luke that his name would be Rai, and then asked about the middle name we had discussed. Luke's response was asking me what I thought of using Joseph (Grandpa's name) instead. He thought it felt right, in light of everything that happened. I couldn't agree more.
The whole experience just confirms to me that life isn't over after death and that those loved ones who have passed on are close by and always watching over us. I believe that they are there helping us although we may not be able to see them, they are celebrating our successes with us and buoying us up, or holding our hands, during our trying times.
I decided that I would really like Rai to have a somewhat Japanese name, and so after some scouring of the internet, looking into family history and discussions with Luke, we decided on the name Rai (meaning thunder, lightning and truth). It is pronounced RYE (like the bread or a nickname for Ryan, or think thai or kai) and will probably be asked how to pronounce it for the rest of his life. We had another name picked out for his middle name, but that all changed after he was born.
As we were headed out of Vernal I told Luke I wanted a priesthood blessing, I insisted that it happen sooner rather than later and we pulled over to the side of the road where he gave me a blessing. I am not sure how anyone can make it through a pregnancy and delivery without prayers and blessings... I have never prayed so hard in my life or needed the comfort from a priesthood blessing more than during these past 10 months. In a previous blessing Luke assured me that there was help that I couldn't see that would be there for me and help me to get through the things I felt like I couldn't, people that cared for me on this side and beyond the veil as well, angels surrounding me. In this blessing, a reference to those beyond the veil was made again, and assurance that the baby and I would be healthy and I would be able to do what I needed to, as well as the doctors.
Well the rest of my labour includes a doctor telling me that we should have this baby by 5pm and not actually having a baby til 7:53pm and you can only imagine what that did to me mentally once 5pm hit. I also hit 7 cm and "usually things go quickly" after that point, but not for me this time.
I was trying to breathe through the contractions, getting Luke to try to put counterpressure on my back, then my hips and trying to find some sort of position that would help relieve the pain, but nothing was working. Eventually all that felt good was just squeezing Luke's hand and pushing against the rods of the bed with my other hand during the contractions.
This is when I started to lose it. I was constantly telling Luke between each contraction how I couldn't do it, I just couldn't, I was too tired, I was too hungry, there was no way, it was taking too long, I wasn't progressing fast enough and I just wanted to be done. I kept telling him how I actually did want something for the pain. I was getting too hot in the room and starting to feel nauseous. Time seemed to be against me, my body seemed to not be responding and I was so overwhelmed and done. I asked Luke to say a prayer, I needed something, anything. So as he held my hand he offered a prayer. He asked that I would know I would be able to do this, that those angels on the other side would assist me and that baby and I would be healthy and strong.
It was after this prayer that as I had my eyes closed during each contraction (and most of the inbetween time) I had a thought about Grandpa Takahashi, how he spent hours training his mind and body before his heart surgery, and I tried to really keep in mind my end goal, and use the power of my mind to do help my body do exactly what it needed to do. I was really trying to focus and really feeling uncomfortable and still kind of falling apart. Then when i was closing my eyes I started to hear Grandpa Takahashi saying "come see Grandpa" and I could see him playing with a little baby. Growing up Grandpa always said this to us, we would go sit by him or on his lap and he would hold our hand. I kept hearing his voice and seeing him playing with a baby and i just knew that he would give that baby to me, that it was my little boy and his spirit was with Grandpa getting ready to come to us. To hear Grandpa again during this hard, hard, painful time was just what I needed, and I swear I could almost feel his rough calloused hand holding the hand that wasn't in Luke's. Between one of the contractions I told luke what I kept seeing and hearing, and I was in tears, and I could see that Luke had tears in his eyes as well.
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| I took this picture from Angies Blog, it is Grandpa holding baby Meika's hand. |
Well it was after all of this that things finally started to go quickly and Rai finally made it into my arms. I confirmed with Luke that his name would be Rai, and then asked about the middle name we had discussed. Luke's response was asking me what I thought of using Joseph (Grandpa's name) instead. He thought it felt right, in light of everything that happened. I couldn't agree more.
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| Grandpa at Luke and I's wedding Sept 2010 |
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| Rai Joseph Allred |
How lucky are we to have this wonderful baby in our lives, and I can only hope he grows up to be a fraction of the man that Grandpa was.
6 comments:
I cry every time i think about this experience. I love that man and I love Baby Rai. What and amazing plan our Heavenly Father created for us. It is the perfect plan. Thank you for sharing this sacred experience. What a blessing it is in my life, as well as a beautiful reminder that we are never alone.
I am also grateful that you posted this on Easter. I can't wait to see Grandpa again and hold his hand!
I love you Alana!! Give all your boys my love. Happy Easter!
I may have cried reading this. Absolutely beautiful. Sharing a birth story is so personal and unique, but I am so glad you shared a part of it. I just love the strength and beauty of motherhood and sisterhood. And I love hearing about his name. What strength that baby boy will have knowing what love and meaning are behind his name and birth. And don't you just love how new life gives us a moment with the other side of the veil, knowing where they just came from, the loving arms of our Father and Heaven and ancestors of past and future. Love it. Rai is so handsome!! And you are simply wonderful!
Wow, Alana. I bauled reading this! I read it to Colin and he was tearing up too. Truly a sacred experience. I am so happy you had this experience, what a blessing! The veil really is thin. So glad we know Heavenly Father's plan and that you can be with your grandpa again! That we have loved ones who we miss so much on the other side helping us along the rest of our journey on earth. Love you!!! You sure make cute babies:)
What a truly amazing experience! That is so neat. I am glad you shared :)
I can't help but sob reading this. Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful experience Alana, i really needed to hear it today. As we wait for our little family to be complete there are few things that calm my heart. I hope that our future little ones are spending time with loved one's and building relationships that they would otherwise have missed out on. Love you lots. You have two very precious boys. Can't wait to meet little Rai!
Beautiful. Have to breath through my mouth since my nose is so congested from crying. A true and sincere testimony of loved ones taking care of us from beyond the veil. Between you and Angie, it has been an emotional day for me. Love you.
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